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After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps,
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For a few agonizing moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded
"Oh, dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"
"NO!" she answered.
Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to go in the back seat?"
"NO!" she answers again.
Soon he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want to go in the back seat NOW?" he asks again.
"NO!" she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he demands "Well, why not!"
"Because I want to stay up here with you!"
Upon examination, the doctor said, "Your not sick. You have a broken nail..."
The mostly male audience enjoyed the act. In the middle of the act, however, a young blonde way in the back stood and began to shout.
"You listen to me, mister. I'm sick and tired of you insulting blondes! It's guys like you that give us a bad name. Thanks to guys like you, we've been labeled as nothing but a bunch of dumb sluts, and I've had it!"
Now totally embarrassed, the ventriloquist began to apoligize to the blonde, but she interrupted him.
"You stay out of this mister. This is between me and that fella on your knee."
The doctor said, "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then
skip a day, and repeat this
When Mr. Lee returned for the next visit, he shocked the
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow
Mr. Lee nodded. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"You mean from hunger?"
"No, from skipping."
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after 30
She then phoned the doctor and thanked him for the
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked, "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely pissed off and yelled, "You MORON! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective. They're for the OTHER side of the house!!"
However, if one tells a lie, POOF!, one is instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies
POOF! The mirror swallows her.
Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror
POOF! The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in, stands
The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others.
They begin dancing around the table, exchanging high five's, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster.
When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebrations about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
Then the redhead bends down, smells it and says, "Oh ya that's it alright!"
Then the blonde bends down, taste it and says, "Sure it is! But it's no one from our building!"